Have you had a situation when it seemed like there were no possibilities, and then… it worked out?
There are times when we feel little to no ways forward — internally, interpersonally, communally, or politically. And then we’re surprised when an opening emerges.
If we’re in one of those kinds of situations now and we can’t think of even one way forward, maybe it would help to summon some of these stories and call them to mind and heart.
When a person, or a family, or a community is going through a crisis, one of the best things we can do is surround them with people. I have witnessed the power of this action many times. Simply, but powerfully, give them connections. And — use your own connections. Who is a person who might know about this type of resource? Give them a call. Who is a person who has been in this type of situation before, and what would they recommend? Reach out to them.
And when we do this, care and support emerges, even beyond what we anticipated. Not only do people point in certain helpful directions. They often offer their expertise directly. They ask if they can provide funding for the person/people in crisis. They research options. They say, “Please tell them they’ve been in my thoughts.” They offer to listen.
And the emerging support becomes larger than you even expected. Just by peopling situations. It’s transformative.
Photos of flowers, horses, and landscapes.
I want to see this movie.
I probably don’t tell have to tell you that the body has a stress response. (I mean, look at these years we’ve been living!) Stress causes adrenaline and cortisol, the tightening of muscles, and at times, the initiation of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.
But we can also have a relaxation response. In the relaxation response, the activated sympathetic nervous system is calmed by the parasympathetic nervous system. What helps this? Intentional, deep breathing, stretching, meditation, mindfulness, touch, bilateral movement (walking is one), somatic processes like the body scan, cuddling, and generally slowing down — again — intentional, deep breathing (after all, this helps us slow down).
But here’s the thing:
The stress response is innate and automatic, and the relaxation response has to be learned. The body needs practice in order for this to happen naturally on its own.
All of these are worthy practice. Very worth our time.
She contains galaxies. 🙂
Last week, Zahra Abbas died suddenly. She was a good friend, a tireless advocate in the epilepsy community, and a beloved change-agent in Michigan state politics. She is beloved, and many people in my community are grieving in the wake of this loss. Carla Boyd, Board Member for the Epilepsy Foundation of Michigan, wrote a touching, public tribute to Zahra, and I would like to share that today.
I’ve been off Facebook for several months but had to return to share my heartbreak over the death of my friend, Zahra Abbas. It hurts so much to write those words.
The world lost one of its brightest lights yesterday. Zahra’s beautiful family lost their precious daughter, sister, auntie, niece, and cousin. The epilepsy community lost the advocate of a generation. Michigan lost a rising political leader. Those suffering from injustice lost a fearless, tenacious advocate. And so many people lost a dear friend, a once in a lifetime kind – myself and my daughter, Laine, included.
But anyone who met Zahra, even for five minutes, gained more than ever could be put into words. It was a joy to know Zahra, in large part, due to her gift of connection. It was palpable. She had an otherworldly ability to put people at ease. To make you feel heard. She literally helped me raise my daughter by sharing her wisdom as a young woman with epilepsy during some hard years. She was strong, grounded. Zahra was the most non-judgmental person I’d ever met. She was highly intelligent and deeply, deeply curious. When she asked you “why” she truly wanted to know your perspective. Zahra had magnetism and brimmed with life, just being around her made people feel good. People from all walks of life were drawn to her because she radiated goodness and truth. There’s no other way to put it. You could feel it.
It’s important to know that Zahra was forged in fire. She was one of the bravest women I will ever know. Like 30% of all people with epilepsy (including Laine), her seizures were drug resistant. This meant her epilepsy was brutal. Starting at age 14, and raging uncontrolled for over ten years, Zahra fought like a warrior. Daily grand mal seizures, broken bones, brain surgery, VNS implants, horrible side effects from dozens of drugs used to fight her seizures, status epilepticus multiple times, dozens of hospital stays. The residual mental health effects from years of unpredictable seizures and related trauma were always in the background. Zahra was open about her struggles with depression and anxiety and helped countless people through some of their own struggles (myself, included).
Zahra’s last resort was to try medical marijuana/cannabis. That was a bold step for her because she was extremely devout in her faith. Miraculously, for the first time in a decade, she began to get seizure control. At one stretch, she was four years seizure free. Zahra used her incredible story to advocate for those with epilepsy and served as an inspiration to the almost 110,000 people in Michigan suffering from epilepsy.
Through all of that, she and her family never, ever game up. Zahra’s mother, father, six siblings, and many cousins, aunts, and uncles rallied behind her every step of the way. She loved and adored her family. I had the pleasure of volunteering at a few events with Zahra and her mother, Sanae. It was incredible to witness their relationship . . . so deeply loving, effortless, playful, protective, beautiful. My heart is broken for Sanae and Zahra’s entire family.
Over the years, I told Zahra many times that I wanted to write her story someday because it was so inspirational. What was most remarkable is that, in spite of horrible suffering from uncontrolled seizures and the side effects of the medical treatments, Zahra was one of the most optimistic people I ever met. Not only was she just a beautiful, positive life force . . . she was on a mission. I jokingly called her “girl on fire. ” It was something to behold. Zahra literally buzzed with energy – and it was infectious. After being sidelined for ten years due to epilepsy, she didn’t have a minute to waste . . . so she took off running.
What was her mission? Injustice. Unfairness bothered her on a cellular level. She very much knew what it felt like to be discriminated against. If you boil it down, quite simply, Zahra Abbas was a warrior for justice. And she was fearless.
She advocated for those with epilepsy, like herself. When cannabis stopped her seizures after ten failed years of conventional medicine, she fought to get cannabis legalized so anyone in need could access it in the state of Michigan. Make no mistake, Zahra was a driving force behind the entire legalization movement. She sat on the boards of advocacy organizations and served as an expert speaker. I need to say that again . . . she became a public speaker. Can you ponder that for a minute? Imagine the courage it took for Zahra – someone who had experienced thousands of unpredictable seizures – to get up in front of thousands of people to speak. If you had the honor to meet Zahra, you may never meet someone as brave again.
When she realized she could forge change by driving public policy, she became a Democratic National Convention (DNC) precinct delegate, a delegate to the state central committee of the Michigan Democratic Party, as well as secretary of the Young Democrats of Michigan (YDM). Zahra was the first Arab American Muslim DNC delegate in state history. She graduated with an associate’s degree and received her certification as a medical assistant in 2019. She was actively involved with the Epilepsy Foundation of Michigan, speaking and volunteering at their events and camp, and interned at camp as well. Zahra never missed a foundation event. She also was part of the Healthy Dearborn steering committee and was a progressive activist, environmentalist, and was “committed to advocating and working towards a just and safe future for people.”
In short, she was on fire.
One of the most beautiful things about Zahra is that she literally floated above everything. I think she had a unique perspective because of what she had been through with her epilepsy . . . she had been to hell and back more than once. Bigots, cruel people, gossips? They didn’t bother her. She was truly above it and not in an arrogant way, she almost didn’t even notice it. She just didn’t have time for it.
Zahra was a builder, a connecter. She built bridges with love and acceptance. She created solutions. She spread her beautiful light to every person she met – and there were thousands. She never gave up, she fought every day of her life radiating love with a smile on her face. In 35 short years, Zahra changed the world. And those ripples will live on forever.
Zahra. My hero. My friend. Thank you for giving so much of yourself to make the world a better place.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr./posted by Zahra in 2017.
Images of green leaves on branches, flowers, water, sky, and windmills.
-Photos by Renee Roederer
It’s really strange that my blog post yesterday was about crickets and FOMO. Because… just a couple of hours later, I was driving to go get scheduled maintenance on my car, and when I was on the interstate, I looked over at my side mirror, and a cricket had caught a ride! He was now hanging on for dear life.
This drive then became an intentional effort to get Cricky all the way there without dangerously being lost to oblivion. And I’m pleased to say that both of us made it in one piece.
In fact, this turned into something pretty adorable. When I arrived, I told the crew that this cricket made it all the way from my house, and they celebrated him! They also shared they would take good care of him. I made a video of Cricky on my car as he ran toward their direction. It was cute as heck.