Have you ever had that uneasy feeling that you’re bothering someone, even when you know they could simply say “No,” or “Not quite yet”?
I think many of us carry that fear. Recently someone said that to me: “I don’t want to bother you.” And I replied, “You’re not bothering me. You’ve never bothered me.” I meant that sincerely. Then I added something else: “Even though you haven’t, you’re actually allowed to bother me.”
When we care about people, we’re willing to be inconvenienced for them. That’s part of what it means to care. The small interruptions, the extra time, the shifting of plans — those things happen because relationships matter.
That conversation reminded me of something I once heard someone say about boundaries. She worked in a caring profession, and she shared a phrase she sometimes tells herself when she begins to feel irritated: You can inconvenience me, but you can’t hurt me. Then she pauses to think about the difference.
Being bothered or inconvenienced is simply that — a moment of interruption, a small shift, an adjustment of time or energy. But it isn’t harm. Harm is something different. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that distinction.
So if you ever find yourself worrying that you’re bothering someone, maybe this is a moment to offer yourself a little grace. Sometimes we need help. Sometimes we need care, attention, or time from someone else. That may inconvenience someone.
But it is also not harm.
And we can give ourselves grace for needing one another. That’s a good thing, after all.
—Renee Roederer
Smuggling Grace 