Rehearsing Belovedness

In the Christian Century magazine, the Rev. Mark Ralls recounts a beautiful and unexpected experience he had while visiting a local nursing home. [1]

Pastor Ralls had gone to the nursing home to visit a resident who was a member of his congregation. While they were sitting together and conversing in the atrium, he heard some strange, intriguing words.

“I love you little. I love you big. I love you like a little pig.”

These words soon became a playful refrain. Pastor Ralls and his friend heard these words innumerable times throughout their conversation. They were spoken by a woman who was sitting nearby them. She was a resident too, and though she was sitting close enough to touch them, she paid no attention to their conversation. He writes, “During my visit to the nursing home that afternoon, I must have heard this sweet, odd rhyme more than a hundred times.” She continued to look out the window, and with a broad smile on her face, she let her refrain fill the room.

“I love you little. I love you big. I love you like a little pig.”
“I love you little. I love you big. I love you like a little pig.”
“I love you little. I love you big. I love you like a little pig.”

She seemed continually delighted by these words.

After inquiring of a staff member, Pastor Ralls learned that this woman had been a first grade teacher for decades. Each morning, when the children entered the classroom for their day at school, she would lean down and speak these very words into each beloved ear.

What a beautiful, playful ritual.

I love this story because it invites me to imagine what those words must have been like for the children in her classroom. . .

. . . I wonder if they would giggle before she could finish, each one anticipating the end of the phrase.

. . . I wonder if they would smile before she started, each one anticipating that they were loved and valuable.

. . . I wonder if they would ever add their voices to the chorus, each one rehearsing the truth of their worth, silly as the phrase may be.

I also love this story because it invites me to imagine how those words must have formed her as a teacher. . .

. . . I wonder if she spoke these words on days when she was feeling discouraged, and they lifted her mood just a bit.

. . . I wonder if she took pleasure in speaking these words to particular children who struggled to trust love.

. . . I wonder if the rehearsal of these words helped her love herself more fully too.

No matter how these words were spoken or received in her classroom, it is clear that they resonated deep within her psyche many years later when she was challenged by dementia. The refrain is delightful and silly. It is also so meaningful.

It makes me wonder. . .

Who has told you that you’re beloved?
Who has told you that you’re loved through and through?
Who has told you that you’re valuable and worth it all?

Do we rehearse those words and memories? Do we recall them and let them sink into our very being?

We can always begin that rehearsal again.

And if we doubt those words within us. . . guess what?

We can rehearse them again.
And again.
And again.
And again.

And if no one has told you today,
And if you’re struggling to tell yourself,
Please hear this truth:
You are Beloved,
Loved through and through,
Valued and worth it all.

–Renee Roederer

I’m Back!

Over the last two weeks, I’ve taken some time away from blogging — the first time in about 500 days of consecutive, daily posting. It feels like a big accomplishment to reach about 500 days in a row, but I also needed some time away.

November is National Epilepsy Awareness Month, and it’s probably my busiest work month of the year. It was also great! In that time, we hosted an event in West Michigan, did seizure first aid trainings, launched a social media campaign, and held our largest conference of the year.

And then I shared a lovely Thanksgiving with chosen family.

So it’s been a good whirlwind. And I’m glad to be back!

Here are some photos from my time near the Potomac River over the holiday:

Thanks for following along with me!

— Renee Roederer

Club Q: We Have Lost Entire Worlds



We have lost entire worlds.
We have lost a universe of sacred lives and loves.

The Talmud says it this way:

“Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.”

Perhaps we feel we are losing our breath and even our words to describe the horrific and enraging news. 

At this moment, we know a particular set of numbers which begins to express some form of what happened – numbers of those who have died and those who are wounded. But the numbers can’t possibly express the loss. Those numbers represent neighbors, friends, siblings, children, partners, coworkers, heroes – sacred human lives with names, identities, stories, and personalities. Each one, particular. Each one, an entire world.

And in the wake of this news, more souls – whole worlds full – are wounded by the trauma of it all, feeling the grief of the countless connections that cannot accurately be enumerated.

We have lost entire worlds.
We have lost a universe of sacred lives and loves.

Perhaps we feel we are losing our breath and even our words to describe the horrific and enraging news.

And. . .

It makes me wonder what kind of universe we want to live in.
It makes me wonder what world we will fight for.

–Renee Roederer

[1] This image is entitled, Fast Trip From Earth (Florida) To The Moon And Back. Stock Footage Video 109318 – Shutterstock.

Team Wordle

A wordle grid. The first line has two yellow squares; the second has three green squares; the third has five green squares.


I’m an avid Wordle player. In fact, it is always the first thing I do upon waking each day. There are several people in my life with whom I exchange scores each day, but one group text has become especially fun.

Some members of Michigan Nones and Dones, a community I facilitate, have a group text entirely for the purpose of sharing our Wordle grids. And recently, we’ve morphed into a team of sorts. One of our members adds up our scores each day collectively, and we try to have a good day as a unit. Or occasionally, we try to beat our collective score.

I’m not sure we’re going to do that last part though because last week, 5 people on this group chat got a collective 14. How are we ever going to pull that off again?

It’s satisfying to take a small, daily, autonomous game and make it a team sport.

Well done, us!

-Renee Roederer

Values

Our values should determine how we hold our elected leaders accountable — all leaders, every party —

how we speak out,
what we say and do,
how we say yes and no,
what we support and challenge,

instead of our values constantly shifting and morphing,

instead of what-we-will-tolerate constantly shifting and morphing,

to fit, support, and justify that we voted for someone or a party.

We can hold them all accountable — publicly.

We should.

Our values determine how we do that. These people and parties don’t get to determine our values.

–Renee Roederer