Smuggling Grace

While writing, I went to an online thesaurus to look up alternatives for the word ‘connection.’ It’s not that I didn’t want to use that word; it’s that I had used it twice in the same sentence. What could I say instead?

I expected to find synonyms that would denote how items, moments, or people are more generally associated, but instead, I found all of these personal, relational terms:

ally,
friend,
kin,
kinship,
kindred,
mentor,
messenger,
relative,
sponsor.

These are words I think about a lot, and for some reason, I was surprised that the synonyms for ‘connection’ took on such personal forms. It was a reminder that our connections with each other, even the more general ones, matter quite a bit. We never know how deep they might run, or how we might connect people in ways that lead to their own relationships over time.

–Renee Roederer

I was in a planning meeting, and we were gathered together on Zoom (because, of course). As a team, we’re pretty casual with each other, because we’re friends as much as we’re leaders.

Because we’re leaders, we were planning details for a big event on Zoom (because, of course). And in the midst of the meeting, someone swiveled their chair around and moved their laptop. That’s when we saw a teddy bear on a couch in the corner of their room. “Oh, that’s [Bear’s Name — forgive me, I forgot this being’s name].”

Right then, in a moment of great professionalism, I stood up and said, “I’m wearing unicorn slippers!” and showed them off to everyone. I was dressed up for the meeting, except for my mythical footwear, purposefully out of view on Zoom (because, of course). Then suddenly, every single person spontaneously retrieved a stuffed animal nearby them in their respective houses, and we showed them all off.

I’m nearly 40, and I was the youngest people on the screen.

And I loved this.

–Renee Roederer

I came around the corner inside the house, and I was suddenly in a cute, funny standstill with my backyard groundhog.

🙂

–Renee Roederer

I walked into Panera to get my morning coffee, as I often do. (By the way, I don’t intend to be a commercial, but do you know that you can get a coffee subscription at Panera, and for $8.99 a month, you can receive unlimited coffee? It’s amazing!) When I opened the door, Bill Wither’s “Lean on Me” was playing inside the restaurant. As I walked over to the coffee station and began to fill up, I was singing along under my breath.

Sometimes in our life, we all have pain,
We all have sorrow.
But if we are wise,
We know that there’s always tomorrow.

“Listen to us,” a woman nearby said. I hadn’t noticed, but three other people were singing quietly, just as I was.

We laughed, smiled big, and then all four of us started singing together, and right at the moment of the chorus too — Lean on me! When you’re not strong!— in harmony.

That was delightful.

–Renee Roederer

I want to sincerely thank my friends for helping me rehome a spider friend. For a bit more than a week, a red-femured spotted orb weaver has been making an elaborate web right near my front door and mailbox every single evening.

Concerned that this might be a phobia for my mail carrier (or anyone else approaching my door) I’ve knocked down the web every single morning with a broom. At that moment, my web artist has scurried upward on a thread to hide in the gutter behind a leaf. Every 24 hours, we would go through the same process. Elaborate web-spinning, broom deconstruction, leaf hiding.

After a while, I asked this spider what their name was, and inwardly, I sensed Herbie, which seemed like a pretty good name. So we coexisted for a week or so, and every evening, I would take a few minutes to turn on the porch light and watch Herbie do his magic. Honestly, it is pretty amazing that a spider can make something so beautifully and geometrically proportional.

A few days ago, I asked if anyone local on my FB timeline genuinely liked spiders. I thought someone might take down the web while I was out of town. I ended up staying home instead, but I’m still glad I asked this question, because I discovered that two of my friends do indeed like spiders. In addition to helping with the web, they were willing to place Herbie in a container and rehome him in a park.

My friends did not disappoint. Herbie now lives in a local park with local park bugs.

I hope there is plenty for him to discover. After all, I discovered something unexpected too:

Turns out I have Herbii.

We’re gonna let the other one spin her web a bit further down from my porch. But now the doorway will be free. And I know if I need another retrieval, these friends are up for the job. I’m so thankful for the help!

Have a good day, Herbie. Enjoy today’s bugs.

–Renee Roederer

“At the end of the month, I always like to say thank you for following here at Smuggling Grace. I appreciate you taking the time to connect here, and as always, thanks for engaging too. I enjoy reading and hearing your comments virtually on the platform, in emails, or during real time conversation. Thank you!

And I’m always happy to expand the audience as well. Do you know anyone who might enjoy connecting with this blog? If so, feel free to pass it along. The more the merrier!

Thanks for engaging in community with me!

–Renee Roederer

Also at the end of the month, I always extend an invitation to support this blog on Patreon. Or! You can tip me with a coffee! Both of these are always great gifts, but are never expected. I appreciate you being here.

Last month, I had some out of town guests, and we had brunch together. At the end of the meal, we asked the server if she would take our photo. She held up my phone to do that and then said, “Oh, it’s pretty backlit.”

“That’s okay,” we said, “It doesn’t have to be Insta good.” (That is, shareable on Instagram)

“Oh, this one’s for the mems!” she answered. We smiled at that phrase, and I’ve been using it ever since. Yes, this one’s for the mems — we’re capturing a snapshot of the memories we’re making right now, and with gratitude.

Lately, I’ve been wondering, “Am I sharing an obnoxious amount of happy photos on social media?”

You know what I mean, right?

Social media gives off a certain air that every single thing is rosy and literally picture-perfect. Most people share the best moments of their lives — not the explosion of frustration upon spilling coffee on new shirts, not the moments of running late, not the frenetic work schedule, not the moments of yelling at our kids and regretting it, not the moments of loneliness or existential fear.

We don’t always share those. But we know those moments are there behind the scenes, right?

They are.

They’re in my life too.

But my goodness, pre-vaccination lockdown was so extremely isolating for such an expansive amount of time. All I want to do is see loved ones and make memories.I long for that. And some part of me needs to capture those moments, you know?

For the mems.

–Renee Roederer

When so much in our world is outside of our control, we might find ourselves saying, “Well, I guess this is all I can do…”

We might not feel a full range of choices. In fact, we might feel remarkably far removed from choices. Instead, we may think of one thing or a couple tiny things, and resign ourselves with, “Well, I guess this is all I can do…”

We can easily get into this mindspace when so much is beyond our control.

But during beyond-our-control-situations, maybe that one thing we can do is what we can really do. We can let it be enough. We can allow it to make space for other possibilities. We can bring it to other people and connect it (and ourselves) to trusted loved ones and new relationships.

Sometimes, “all I guess I can do” is what we can really do.
That’s okay, and even good.

–Renee Roederer

Earlier this week, I missed a turn, so I began to drive back to where I came from.

At the precise moment I entered a roundabout and circled in the other direction, “Total Eclipse of the Heart” started playing at the radio, and it was super satisfying.

–Renee Roederer

Recently, I had the opportunity to hear some folks encourage a particular person, and I noticed that something kept happening quite naturally. Instead of simply saying, 

“We’re with you. . . We believe in you. . . We know you can do this. . .”

they also kept adding the person’s name:

“We’re with you, [Name]. . . We believe in you, [Name]. . . We know you can do this, [Name].”

Throughout all of this, I was reminded of how powerful names can be. In the context of expressing love, gratitude, or encouragement, names themselves can be words of deep affection.

After I had already been pondering this, in a different context, a friend said that she wanted to hear her name more. She felt like people hadn’t said her name as often lately, a name she shares with a relative she lost years ago.

Perhaps somewhere within us, we’re all longing to be addressed by name. This sacred process of speaking and hearing names comes from a place of being known and honored as the ones we are. We are seen and cared for in all our particularities.

When addressing others with love, gratitude, and encouragement, I’m going to start speaking names much more often and much more intentionally.

– Renee Roederer