Smuggling Grace

A Stress Relief/Trauma Life Hack*:

Sit and smile.

Meditation is calming for the body. When we get quiet, sit still, notice our breathing, and clear our thoughts — or often more accurately, notice our thoughts as they come and go — we ease our nervous systems. We activate the calming mechanisms of the parasympathetic nervous system, and our fight, flight, freeze, and fawn reactions slow down and fade for a while.

We can also practice smiling.

I’m certainly not a person who tells others, “You should smile!” (Women hear this all the time, and it’s irritating. We also know that people are feeling grief, anxiety, and stress). But when we sit and smile, breathing in and out, we can shift some of the feelings in our body.

Here’s what Zen Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh shares in his book, Being Peace:

“I would like to offer one short poem you can recite from time to time, while breathing and smiling.

“Breathing in, I calm my body.
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment
I know this is a wonderful moment.

” ‘Breathing in, I calm my body.’ This line is like drinking a glass of ice water-you feel the cold, the freshness, permeate your body. When I breathe in and recite this line, I actually feel the breathing calming my body, calming my mind.

” ‘Breathing out, I smile.’ You know the effect of a smile. A smile can relax hundreds of muscles in your face, and relax your nervous system. A smile makes you master of yourself. That is why the Buddhas and the bodhisattvas are always smiling. When you smile, you realize the wonder of the smile.

” ‘Dwelling in the present moment.’ While I sit here, I don’t think of somewhere else, of the future or the past. I sit here, and I know where I am. This is very important. We tend be alive in the future, not now. We say, ‘Wait until I finish school and get my Ph.D. degree, and then I will be really alive.’ When we have it, and it’s not easy to get, we say to ourselves, ‘I have to wait until I have a job in order to be really alive.’ And then after the job, a car. After the car, a house. We are not capable of being alive in the present moment. We tend to postpone being alive to the future, the distant future, we don’t know when. Now is not the moment to be alive. We may never be alive at all in our entire life. Therefore the technique, if we have to speak of a technique, is to be in the present moment, to be aware that we are here and now, and the only moment to be alive is the present moment.

” ‘I know this is a wonderful moment.’ This is the only moment that is real. To be here and now, and enjoy the present moment is our most wonderful task. ‘Calming, Smiling, Present moment, Wonderful moment.’ I hope you will try it.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace, pages 15-16

* I want to thank Shannon Dingle for a series of tweets she did in which she gave some valuable ‘trauma life hacks.’ I’m borrowing her phrase, so I want to give a nod to her work and her Twitter handle: @ShannonDingle

I probably don’t tell have to tell you that the body has a stress response. (I mean, just look at the last few years we’ve lived…) Stress causes adrenaline and cortisol, the tightening of muscles, and at times, the initiation of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.

But we can also have a relaxation response. In the relaxation response, our activated sympathetic nervous system is calmed by the parasympathetic nervous system. What helps this? Intentional, deep breathing, stretching, meditation, mindfulness, touch, bilateral movement (walking is one), somatic processes like the body scan, cuddling, and generally slowing down — again — intentional, deep breathing (after all, this helps us slow down).

But here’s the thing:

The stress response is innate and automatic, and the relaxation response has to be learned. The body needs practice in order for this to happen naturally on its own.

All of these are worthy practice. Very worth our time.

–Renee Roederer

-Photos by Renee Roederer

Over these last few years, have you had moments of becoming overwhelmed by the news cycle?

Yes, me too. Of course. Who hasn’t?

Behind the news cycle, there are real, raw, human stories of suffering. And so often, we feel helpless to prevent that suffering and powerless to change it.

It’s incredibly understandable to fall into those feelings. In such times, we need the solidarity of one another – that is,

. . . the sense that we are in each other’s view, that we encounter each other’s pain with empathy,

. . . the sense that we have each other’s commitment, that we are in each other’s corner for the long haul,

. . . the sense that we have each other’s action, that we covenant to act on behalf of one another, especially and most readily for those who are made vulnerable by barriers.

In some spiritual traditions, we hear language of bearing each other’s burdens. Lately, within that vision, I find myself encouraging people to shift each other’s burdens. 

We can easily become incapacitated once we realize we cannot instantly fix the systems that are causing burdens. But our empathy, and most importantly, our committed action can change these systems and these burdens. Do not underestimate what these can do.

When we see pain for what it is, we add our validation, and it shifts burdens.

When we add our resources of money, time, or skills, it shifts burdens.

When we use our voices to name wrongs for what they are, it shifts burdens.

When we use our minds to create solutions, it shifts burdens.

When we honor the humanity of people who are being dehumanized, it shifts burdens.

When we take direct action and demand justice for the oppressed and vulnerable, it shifts burdens.

If we want to change the large-scale systems that cause harm, we have to disrupt and dismantle them. But alongside that commitment, we have to live and model our lives with a different rhythm – with different commitments and ways of relating to one another.

We practice solidarity.

And within that way of living, we share and lighten the loads that people are carrying. We assign energy and responsibility to where they really belong.

We shift each other’s burdens.

–Renee Roederer

All of the things that sustain us and help us feel purposeful start initially as small actions,

— go to an event, only to meet someone who will become a life long friend,
— introduce two people, only for them to initiate a major project together later,
— have a conversation, only for it to shift the direction of your work,
— step into that identity/role a little more, only to discover there’s a whole community waiting for you.

And so much more.

And if so much of this can happen unintentionally, what could be possible if we act on these kinds of things intentionally?

We can plant seeds today and in the near future that will surprise us with comfort, possibility, and purpose months and years down the line.

–Renee Roederer

This morning, I’d love to link you to this piece by Ben Johnston-Krase, entitled,

The Tablespoon

“But you know what people are asking? Am I alive? Beyond the striving, the earning, the hammering away… In the midst of a life that feels rushed, disconnected, overscheduled… am I – are we – really alive? I believe people are asking those questions, maybe now more than ever.”

A Hug?
A Nap?
A Walk?
A Run?
A Dance Session?
Shaking Things Off For a Moment? (Literally)
Hearing the Voice of Someone You Love?
Noticing Beauty in Nature?
A Comforting Meal?
Settling Into a Good Memory?
Anticipating a Fun Trip You’ve Planned?
Shutting Off The News?
Playing a Game with Children?
Knowing You’re Enough and Worth it?

–Renee Roederer

-Photos by Renee Roederer

I Will Not Die an Unlived Life
Dawna Markova

I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

It is good to find things to savor.

But the truth is, we probably don’t need to find them. We likely already know the simple joys that are worthy of our attention and gratitude. We just need to be mindful of them.

Many things are worth savoring because they aren’t around consistently. One of mine — in fact, what initiated this post — is starting my morning with the windows open. I love this… It won’t be around forever. It’s cyclical.

It’s good to find things to savor.

–Renee Roederer