We Need Gentleness

Posted on by gracesmuggler
The hand of a child holding a small, yellow flower.

I was present in the midst of a group conversation where multiple people said,

“You just don’t see that anymore.”

and

“I just don’t see many present examples right now.”

and

“It’s so rare to experience that these days.”

At one point, we were talking about forgiveness. At another point, we were talking about kindness. No one in this conversation had become cynical; instead, I believe I was hearing a yearning for expressions of care, both public and personal.

Or to use another word, we need gentleness. We need to practice it. We need to receive it. We need a gentler world.

This is different, of course, than needing a comfortable world. There is no need decrease the tenacity and strength of voices crying out in anger and pain when they are experiencing violence and being marginalized. Sometimes, we make calls toward kindness and “civility” so we don’t have to be uncomfortable with the righteous anger and pain people are expressing. No, not this.

But I wonder what would happen if we responded with kindness and tenderness? I wonder what would happen if we responded not with defensiveness but gentleness?

I also wonder what would happen if we chose to practice more gentleness toward ourselves right now. This is a human need all the time.

In all these things, I’m just wondering aloud today. I would love to hear from you too.

What do you wonder?

What do you think?

What do you long for?

–Renee Roederer

Sometimes, We Have to Say No to Say Yes

Posted on by gracesmuggler
Image Description: A yellow, taped post-it note reads, “Yes or No?”

There are times when we have to say no to what is being asked of us, even if it’s good and important, in order to say yes to the most central value we have.

We have to protect it, not only because it’s important to us, but because it might be the most important role we play in community.

We can’t say yes to everything. We are limited people.

Sometimes, we have to say no so we can keep saying yes.

–Renee Roederer

Show Your Roots

Posted on by gracesmuggler
Image Description: Trees in a forrest with shared roots visible on the surface of the ground. Red, fallen leaves from autumn are interspersed among the roots. Photo, Renee Roederer.

Show your roots —
Make known the ones who named you (the truest you)
Make known the ones who shaped you (the still becoming you)
Live roots made visible.

The love,
The care,
The nurture,
The belonging.

The wholeness,
of every community,
of every neighbor,
of every parent,
of every friend,
of every guide,

still shaping,
still claiming.

–Renee Roederer

Anxiety is a Contagion

Posted on by gracesmuggler
Image Description: A series of black dominos with quite dots; the ones in the back have fallen, and the ones in the front are about to fall. Public domain image.

Many years ago, I worked in a context where everyone worked with their office doors closed. There may be many reasons for this — needing quiet, having a place to focus, or other kinds of needs entirely. That context was filled with lovely, supportive people, but this happened to be a very stressful period of time in our collective history. Some part of me wonders if we all kept our doors closed because stress pheromones were constantly floating through the air in that space.

Anxiety can function like a contagion. We can pick up on the anxious energy of others through body language and yes, even pheromones. We may also be anxious about similar concerns, and someone’s anxiety may evoke our own. That same anxiety in a person or community may also trigger older, stressful storylines from our lives. The anxiety can grow.

Sometimes, we need space alone or in small groups of non-anxious (at the moment) people so we can ground ourselves again and regulate or co-regulate our nervous systems.

In a remarkably anxious period of time, it is okay and helpful to take that space, both for ourselves and for the collective circles of people we love.

–Renee Roederer