Recently, two concepts resurfaced in my mind, ideas I hadn’t revisited in years. They originally came from a book* I read long ago, and I’ve always found them to be a useful way to think about responsibility.
When we talk about responsibility, it’s important to distinguish between being responsible for something and being responsible toward something.
We often find ourselves feeling responsible for things that aren’t really ours to carry. We take on other people’s emotions, believing it’s our job to “fix” them. If someone is in a bad mood, we assume it’s our fault. We end up taking responsibility for things beyond our control.
But the truth is, we’re not responsible for these external factors. What we are responsible for are our own actions and emotions. And naturally, we can respond to others’ needs with compassion and care.
When it comes to responding, it’s more helpful to think in terms of being responsible toward others. We have a duty to live out our values and strive to be our best selves, directing these efforts toward the needs of others and our communities. We won’t always succeed, but we can keep returning to these values.
There are countless issues in the world that require our attention and care. For these, collective action is often necessary. We’re responsible toward these issues—not because we caused them (though sometimes we may be collectively complicit)—but because living out our values in community means we need to act.
In some situations, I hope we can release ourselves from feeling responsible for things beyond our control. In others, I hope we can feel empowered to be responsible toward the world and those around us.
— Renee Roederer
*The book is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Smuggling Grace 