Sometimes, we long for something very specific. Maybe it’s an experience, a hope, something material, or something relational. We picture it clearly, envisioning exactly how it will look or unfold. But if it doesn’t arrive in the way we imagine, or on the timetable we most desire, can feel like a profound loss. Deflation sets in. Sometimes, we even feel powerless.
But here’s a different way to think about it: What values are drawing us to that specific thing? What are the deeper needs or desires connected to it?
Once we name those values, we might find that there are probably like numerous ways to cultivate them in our lives. Maybe we’re longing for connection, creativity, security, or joy. The thing we’re imagining might feel like the perfect vessel, but it’s not the only one.
And who knows? That specific experience, hope, or relationship might still emerge, exactly as we envisioned. But even if it doesn’t, our emotions won’t feel as contingent on that one outcome. We’ll have already found other paths to the values that matter most.
There are many routes to the values. It’s worth exploring where they might lead.
— Renee Roederer
Smuggling Grace 