It felt so good to stand up. It was such a relief.
I had pulled one of my hamstring muscles, and sitting in the car was pretty painful. This wasn’t to the point that I couldn’t drive safely, but definitely enough that I was quite uncomfortable. The challenge was that I was three hours from home, and I had to keep sitting in the very position that was aggravating the pain.
In the midst of all of this, I kept thinking about how exhausting pain can be. Or maybe I should say that I wasn’t just thinking about it – I was feeling it. I found myself getting very tired.
So I was in this strange position of wanting to get home as quickly as possible because I hurt, while also recognizing that I needed to stop because I was getting tired. I took a lot of breaks on the drive home.
I’m aware that this experience is temporary for me. But I found myself thinking about people I know who live with spastic muscles, or friends who keep getting denied pain medication by their insurance. There are people who live with physical pain every day, and it must be profoundly exhausting.
I also remembered reading that emotional pain and physical pain share many of the same neural pathways. There are people carrying emotional and mental pain who are just as exhausted as if they were carrying physical pain.
All of this made me think that we should probably be pretty gentle with one another – and with ourselves. We never fully know what someone is carrying.
When I finally arrived, I stood up for good, and it felt amazing.
Tonight, I’m resting, and I’m grateful to be home.
Smuggling Grace 