A friend recently introduced me to the work of M. Gessen and a powerful essay they wrote titled “To Be, or Not to Be.”
Gessen is a Russian-American journalist and essayist who has lived in both countries. They are married to a woman and have children. When they were living in Russia, Gessen began to feel that their family could be in danger after the passage of anti-LGBTQ legislation. So they moved to the United States, expecting better outcomes, only to find some of the same threats emerging here.
In the essay, Gessen writes about their body and the choices they have made about it. After learning that they carried a genetic mutation associated with a high risk of breast and ovarian cancer, Gessen chose to have a preventive mastectomy and breast reconstruction. Years later, they also had their ovaries removed and began taking estrogen.
But Gessen came to recognize something about those experiences: There had been assumptions embedded in them that they hadn’t necessarily recognized as choices. After a mastectomy, people assumed they would consider reconstruction. After having their ovaries removed, people assumed they would consider estrogen.
What if there were other possibilities?
Gessen eventually stopped taking estrogen and began taking testosterone. In doing so, they began imagining their body and identity differently.
I’ve been thinking about choice points. There are moments in our lives when we have a clear before and after. This might be true in our sense of identity, the place where we live, the direction our lives take, or the relationships we enter. Sometimes a choice point might even involve recognizing that something we assumed was inevitable was actually a choice all along.
I wonder if you have moments that feel like clear choice points for you? Moments with a clear before and after?
What did it feel like to make that choice, and how did it impact you? What have you learned from that experience?
And what supports your imagination when you’re faced with big choice points?
Are there any you’re hoping to take in the future?
—Renee Roederer
