Smuggling Grace

While doing some chores and cleaning the house, I overheard the sounds of James Erb’s choral arrangement of “Shenandoah.” One of my family members has been staying with me for a few weeks, and she started to play it on her laptop. Instantaneously, this brought me back to a lot of wonderful memories.

I’ve sung that piece with several choirs, and I have especially vivid memories from my high school and college choirs. As I heard this last night, I realized that the instant remembrance was less about visual memory or place memory, and it was more of a memory of what it felt like — a feeling between us when we were aware collectively that we were creating a gorgeous sound and a special moment together. As we sang this piece, we would become very present to the moment in the beauty of the melody and the weaving together of harmony.

After hearing this piece in the background, I decided to put on some headphones and listen for myself. The sounds were lovely. And I realized, within music and and also in all the daily living beyond music, this is what I want in 2022: I want moments of feeling like we are creating something glorious together.

Have you ever had those moments? When you were in the midst of creating something together, and you were deeply aware of how special it is?

I want that,
in householding,
in working,
in community care,
in shared laughter (have you ever been aware in the moment that something is going to be a future inside joke for years to come?)
in music,
in community organizing,
in…
in so many things.

I want this.
I want to create together.

–Renee Roederer

I appreciate the perspectives of David LaMotte, songwriter, musician, and author of Worldchanging 101: Challenging the Myth of Powerlessness. He reminds us that we are not always able to fix the many challenges of the world, but we are enabled to change them. Change is the powerful and empowering paradigm.

In my work, I am at times presented with challenges I don’t know how to fix. In those moments, I don’t have the personal knowledge, experiences, or access to necessary resources. In such situations, I have two primary strategies. They sound simplistic, but they are powerful and empowering too:

1) Care and 2) Connect.

Care
We participate in changing situations when we care for the people experiencing them. There are times when people are bolstered by being heard, seen, understood, and loved.

We’ve likely heard about the placebo effect when it comes to medications. But this can be applied to caring presence as well. Studies have revealed that cancer patients do better on their treatment regimen when a doctor walks in to tell them that the treatment is beginning. In such moments, the doctor shares nothing overtly medical. They only offer their presence in connection to the treatment. When patients connect their treatment to a symbol and presence of care, the treatment is more effective.

When we add our presence and care to the people around us, we change difficult situations.

Connect
As I shared above, there are times when we don’t have the personal knowledge, experiences, or access to necessary resources. In these moments, I think, “Get this person to people.” Sometimes, this involves a referral to a trusted source who will have that knowledge, experience, or access to necessary resources. But sometimes, we can’t think of anyone, and this is a general strategy to “get this person to community.”

The community often has the personal knowledge, experience, and access to resources. These are all held in the collective, and while you can’t always anticipate the precise relationships from which they will emerge, so often, they do come specifically from the community. This is something I trust because I watch it happen repeatedly. Every single week, I witness this.

We can change things. When in doubt,
1) Care and 2) Connect.

–Renee Roederer

Rituals can be so helpful.

I joined a group of women over Zoom. They are rooted in the Jewish renewal movement, and they are masters of reflection, spiritual practice, and care for our bodies. We sang and danced last night, each one of us in our own homes, and we discussed our hopes for this new year, all while honoring pains of the pandemic. We know we still carry those into this present moment.

At one point, we each held a rock in our hands, and we imagined that we were placing all our pains and difficulties from 2021 into that rock. Then we put the rock in a bowl of water. We imagined that the water was purifying the rock, and we were invited to take some time after the Zoom gathering to pour out that water with intention, releasing those memories and feelings.

I did not pour out the water gently. After the Zoom, I opened my front door and flung that water out with some force. I imagined throwing toxicity out the door, and it felt really good.

If it would help you to do something similar, I extend the invitation.

Pour it out.

Fling it out!

–Renee Roederer

As we began to close 2021 and came nearer to 2022, I doubt that many of us had a feeling that we may have had in transitions past — a sense that new year might hold promise to be remarkably different than the last one. We’re not at that kind of turning point.

So instead, these questions may be important:

What values and what priorities are you committed to this year, no matter what happens? How will you return to those values and priorities repeatedly, no matter what? How can those sustain you and others?

–Renee Roederer

These days, in the midst of such a tumultuous era, we never know what people have lived or what they’re experiencing in this present moment.

For that reason, I’m saying less, “Happy New Year” to others, and more, “A Loved New Year.”

A Loved New Year to you.

I hope you feel that. All year long. And if you ever have a moment of doubting it, that love is a truth to which you can always return.

–Renee Roederer

Last month, I had one of the most delightful opportunities: I spent ten days with a toddler who I love very much. She became a great teacher to me. I spent the Christmas holiday with her also-very-loved family, and it was a joyful respite for my mind and body as we all finished the year.

Toddlers have one primary mode — they are living in the present. They are constantly exploring, noticing, playing, learning, and feeling in the now. They are not projecting anxieties upon the future, nor are they are not fixated on the pains of the past. They are in the moment, constantly taking in everything. I loved noticing this Noticer and watching her live this way.

And I thought, “I want that mindfulness.”

During the same trip, I gave myself another gift. For small periods of time, I checked social media twice a day. I think I’m going to keep this up for a while. It was so good give this compulsion over to a fixed, more intentional rhythm. The algorithms helped me too because they prioritized the most significant posts for me to see. Suddenly, I looked forward to checking because it felt connectional, and it was no longer something I was doing mindlessly.

And I thought, “I want less media.”

More mindfulness, less media. Or to say it another way, I want more presence in my living.

There are so many painful experiences and dynamics in our world. I want to be informed without being immersed. Our feelings are always valid, including those of trauma and pain. Alongside this, I realize that no one is helped particularly by us swimming in the bad news. I want to know about it, and I want to care about it. But it helps no one when we are utterly immersed in it, just feeling it, rather than acting upon it (again, more presence in the living).

More mindfulness, less media. This is going to be a major part of 2022.

–Renee Roederer

I’m not particularly great at keeping New Year’s Resolutions, and if I may be honest, I don’t care very much for them. I’d rather make plans with different goalposts — for instance, trying a new practice or rhythm for a month to see if might be a long-term keeper.

That being said, this may be the only time I’ve been able to say I’ve kept a resolution for a whole calendar year: I’ve posted a piece on this blog every day in 2021. Happy 365th post this year.

Most of all, happy new year to you and all those you love. Thanks for following along here.

–Renee Roederer

“Humans and history both grow slowly and often move three steps forward, two steps back. We expect people to show up at our doors fully transformed and holy before they can be welcomed in. But growth language says it is appropriate to wait, trusting that change of consciousness, what the Bible calls in Greek metanoeite, can only come with time. This patience ends up being the very shape of love.”

-Richard Rohr

Speak words into the air.
Launch them into being.
Create entire worlds of meaning
from
sound,
voice,
intention.

Expand the universe of thought and possibility,
Propel it forward with sacred truth.
From your mind and heart, begin to introduce
your being,
your worth,
your value.

I AM,
I AM,
I AM.

We are the Word’s cultivation,
formed,
shaped,
nurtured.

We are the world’s culmination,
unearthed,
revealed,
valued.

So
Speak words of form,
We are born!
Sound words of grace,
We are free!
Shout words of love,
We are known!

And from
your very breath,
your very being,
let air become sound,
let sound become word,
let word become truth, for
you are transforming,
you are becoming,
YOU ARE.
You.
Are.

–Renee Roederer

This poem was originally inspired by a beautiful video of a father sharing morning affirmations with his three year old child. Click here to watch the video.

I was also so touched by Poet Laureate Amanda Gorman’s poem, The Hill We Climb, shared at the Inauguration of President Joe Biden. She spoke it so powerfully!

It’s pretty rare for a Facebook post to have more shares than likes, but that’s what the stats currently tell me about a post I made: As of now, there are 63 likes, but there are 113 shares.

I follow the MisterRogersQuotes handle on Twitter, so my screens receive daily quotes from Fred Rogers. I’m glad for that. Occasionally, I’ll screenshot one on my phone and then share it to Facebook also. That’s what I did last week.

He says,

“Some days, doing ‘the best we can’ may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn’t perfect — on any front — and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else.”

In an screenshotted image, this simple but very helpful quote spread fast on Facebook. And I realized, people are really longing for this kind of grace, hoping to be in the presence of people who convey, “‘the best you can do’ is truly enough.” And, of course, we need to hear that we’re worth loving and are ourselves ‘enough’ even when ‘the best we can do’ falls short as well. This is true when circumstances inhibit us or when we fail. Our worth and acceptance need not be conditioned on ‘the best we can do.’ Worth and acceptance can be unconditional. This is grace.

It seems that a large and quick number of shares reveal that we need to hear this message again.

So I wonder, which ongoing stories in our lives need this posture from us?

–Renee Roederer