Smuggling Grace

I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with a precious six year old who is sweet, funny, cuddly, and so very playful. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to bed, she is constantly engaging herself and others in pretend play. “Let’s play snake!” (with a jump rope). “Let’s play campsite!” (gets out the sleeping bag). And my favorite of the weekend, “Let’s play roommates with these paper dolls! This is the bed, this is the kitchen, and this is the bathroom. Pretend that every time you go into a room, I surprise you because I’m already there.” Each surprise scenario led to so many giggles.

This had me wondering — and I giggled myself about this — what if people my age had the exact same mindset and way of being in the world, but with this-age things?

Pretend you’re having a midlife crisis!

Act like you’re about to sign for a mortgage, but the previous owners back out of the deal!

Okay, you’re about to make dinner, but you realize you don’t have enough energy, so you just go to Chipotle.

Maybe that wouldn’t quite work. But her way of being is inviting. I think we could do with more imagination, possibility-thinking, and believing that things could turn out beautifully, even magically. We just have to be open to them, try them out, engage in the right kind of scenarios, and together, make them so.

—Renee Roederer

A couple weeks ago, we initiated a series on attachment styles. If you missed the introductory post, you can go there, and then you can learn more about the core wounds of each insecure attachment style.  From these, we can consider what our attachment styles are, as well as how these impact our internal feelings and relationships.

To recap a little, there are four primary attachment styles. There is the secure attachment style, and three insecure attachment styles — 1) anxious preoccupied, 2) fearful avoidant (also sometimes called disorganized or anxious-avoidant), and 3) dismissive avoidant. There is a great deal of psychological research around these, first championed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, and a lot of interest in recent years.

Attachment styles develop very early in life, though we can work to heal these patterns. From these patterns, we often build narratives around the scaffolding of our own fears, and they can cause friction in our relationships.

Today, I’ll invite us to learn again from Thais Gibson, a therapist who has done tremendous work in these areas. These videos are about protest behaviors. What are these? They care coping mechanisms, triggers, and behaviors we take to the manage closeness and space in relationships, particularly during times of stress and conflict.

— Photos by Renee Roederer

I chose today’s direction because I had a chance to learn more about this star cluster at the Smithsonian Natural History Museum (one of my favorite places!) This video shares similar star stories across cultures. Beyond these two featured, additional cultures thought of the Pleiades as sisters in the sky.

This time last year, after the loss of two dear people, just five days apart, I encountered the poem, “Adrift,” by Mark Nepo. It’s a touching expression of what it feels like to live with feelings of grief and gratitude, both together. I’d love to share it today.

Adrift by Mark Nepo

Everything is beautiful and I am so sad.
This is how the heart makes a duet of
wonder and grief. The light spraying
through the lace of the fern is as delicate
as the fibers of memory forming their web
around the knot in my throat. The breeze
makes the birds move from branch to branch
as this ache makes me look for those I’ve lost
in the next room, in the next song, in the laugh
of the next stranger. In the very center, under
it all, what we have that no one can take
away and all that we’ve lost face each other.
It is there that I’m adrift, feeling punctured
by a holiness that exists inside everything.
I am so sad and everything is beautiful.

Is there a word, phrase, or image that stands out to you?

Eh, forget New Year’s Resolutions. This is a whole different month than that first one.

But let’s think again…

Is there something you want to learn about?

Is there something you want to explore in self-growth?

Is there something you want to try?

Is there something you want to let go of?

Is there a way to be kinder to yourself?

Is there a practice you want to pick up?

Is there a large goal that you might move forward in small increments — maybe 5, 10, or 15 minutes a day?

Today is a good day to start any of these. We just have to set an intention and commit (and be kind to ourselves if we miss a day here or there, or if these come and go).

—Renee Roederer

I was getting to know someone and was impressed with the breadth of her interests. I also noticed how much she lit up to talk about them. “You are a Renaissance person,” I said.

Then joyfully, she added, “Oh! And I go to Renaissance fairs!”

We laughed. Her delight was contagious.

I love how unique and particular we humans are. There are times when any one of us might want to hide that quirky interest, love, or hobby. But I’ve noticed that when people are willing to share these with joy, we appreciate their uniqueness and feel all the more comfortable to be who we are, too.

Don’t hide that fun hobby under a bushel basket. Please nerd out.

—Renee Roederer

— Photos by Renee Roederer