Over the last few years in this era of a pandemic, we’ve moved through a number of experiences that have been traumatic collectively. This may be important time to learn about trauma and the responses that our nervous systems often take in response. When we’re feeling overwhelmed, we can move into states of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. We might also vacillate between a couple of these.
In addition to these becoming activated due to present circumstances,
— some people have endured past traumas as well, and these can become reactivated in our nervous systems in these ways,
and/or
— some people have lived with dysregulated nervous systems throughout much their lives, not necessarily remembering large, traumatic events in childhood, but rather, growing up in households that felt stressful and overwhelming in a generalized way. In these households, it was difficult to have needs cared for and nurtured, or caregivers may have also had dysregulated nervous systems, making it difficult to co-regulate alongside them.
In both of these instances, people may live with symptoms of PTSD or CPTSD (the C stands for complex and means that the traumatic events or environment was long-lasting).
In a moment, I’m going to list symptoms of the 4F pathways of trauma. You may recognize some of these in yourself or your loved ones. Please know that these don’t have to remain stuck or static in the body, and we don’t have to stay stuck or static in these patterns. There is help. Therapy certainly helps, and it’s okay to seek that help. In fact, it can be transformative. There are a variety of somatic therapies that help to heal our bodies and these patterns. (As just one example, I’m a big cheerleader for EMDR. Check it out.)
These are the 4Fs of trauma and PTSD. Which pathways tend to be primary for you? I am typing out the text of the image above.
Fight
- Self-preservation at all costs
- Explosive temper and outbursts
- Aggressive, angry behavior
- Controls others
- Bully
- Can’t ‘hear’ other points of view
- A pronounced sense of entitlement
- Demands perfection from others
- Dictatorial tendencies
Typically mis-labelled as
– Narcissist
– Sociopath
– Conduct disorder
Flight
- Obsessive and/or compulsive behavior
- Feelings of panic and anxiety
- Rushing around
- Over-worrying
- Workaholic
- Can’t sit still, can’t relax
- Tries to micromanage situations and other people
- Always ‘on the go;’ busy doing things
- Wants things to be perfect
- Over-achiever
Typically mis-labelled as
– OCD
– Bipolar
– ADHD
– Panic disorder
– Mood Disorder
Freeze
- Spacing out
- Feeling unreal
- Hibernating
- Isolating self from the outside world
- Couch potato
- Dissociates
- Brain Fog
- Difficulties making decisions, acting on decisions
- Achievement-phobic
- Wants to hide from the world
- Feels ‘dead,’ lifeless
Typically mis-labelled as
– Clinical depression
– Schizophrenia
– ADD
– OCD
Fawn
- People pleasing
- Scared to say what they really think
- Talks about ‘the other’ instead of themselves
- Flatters others (to avoid conflict)
- ‘Angel of mercy’
- Over-caring
- Sucker
- Can’t stand up for the self, say ‘no’
- Easily exploited by others
- Hugely concerned with social standing and acceptance, ‘fitting in’
- ‘Yes’ man (or woman…)
Typically mis-labelled as
– Codependent
– ‘Victim’
Do you recognize these patterns in yourself or your loved ones? They are natural and do truly discharge traumatic energy. Our bodies have them because we need them at times. But we don’t want to become stuck in them. That causes larger problems for us. These patterns may spin out, causing us pain, and impacting our relationships.
But we can heal these patterns, and we can do the work of healing the systems that cause so much trauma in the first place. I love how the word ‘heal’ is both passive and active at once. We receive healing and cultivate it over time, and we can act as healers for a world with less trauma.
Smuggling Grace 