Smuggling Grace

— Photos by Renee Roederer

I waited so long for love
and suddenly, here it is
standing in the garden, hands full
of heirlooms hot from the sun.

Soon we’ll make a supper of them.
Salted slabs between slices of bread.
Your beard silvers. My hips ripen.
The mail piles up.

Phone calls go unanswered. Forgive us.
Our mouths are full of tomatoes.
We are so busy
being small and hungry and alive.

A young friend of mine was trying to find a direction. It was 2020, so truth be told, we were all trying to find a direction. She kept trying various activities, and then she stumbled into an art class over Zoom.

Why not? She thought it would just be something to do. We were all looking for things to do in the During Times.

But it absolutely stuck. She had stumbled upon a great passion. When she showed up on a Zoom screen, she had no idea she was initiating a major life direction. She’s been making art ever since, and her work has been featured in shows and sold in galleries. In fact, one of her paintings hangs in my dining room. It turns out that a room in my house is also connected to a particular Zoom class she just decided to try.

But isn’t life like that sometimes?

We keep showing up, trying things, throwing pieces of spaghetti at the wall, and eventually some of them stick. In fact, they can open up worlds—possibilities, roles, relationships, growth.

So if you’re feeling stuck, keep trying. Keep showing up.

— Renee Roederer

“Ohhhh, we’re 1/3 there! Ohhhhh, livin’ on a prayer!”
(That’s not how that goes?)

I’m continuing to work daily on drafting my book — Beheld: A Spirituality of Kinship.
4 chapters complete. 8 to go.

One day at a time…

—Renee Roederer

I arrived home, looked to the right, and noticed a spider building a web in my yard. I had caught the process mid-creation. For a moment, I watched as the spider worked, creating a masterpiece.

“How do you do that so perfectly?” I said aloud.

We often make assumptions about human intelligence compared to other living beings. But clearly, there are many kinds of intelligence and a multitude of opportunities to marvel.

—Renee Roederer

A therapist once shared with me,

“I never challenge a client or bring up a deeply-held, difficult topic until I can tell that the person is really close to saying it themselves.”

A professor once shared with me and my classmates,

“When I was training to be a pastoral counselor, I worked with a supervisor and talked my sessions over with him. Once, I had a client who was deeply in denial. It was so obvious. One week, as I was planning for our session, I came up with a process to really tell her the truth and point all that denial out to her. But my supervisor stopped me. He said, ‘You know, the reason people have defense mechanisms is… they have things they need defending from.'”

These are wise forms of care.

— Renee Roederer

— Photos by Renee Roederer

Here’s a great podcast episode, released by Radiolab.

Description:
Until recently, scientists assumed humans were the only species in which females went through menopause, and lived a substantial part of their lives after they were no longer able to reproduce. And they had no idea why that happens, and why evolution wouldn’t push females to keep reproducing right up to the end of their lives. But after a close look at some whale poop, and a deep dive into chimp life, we find several new ways of thinking about menopause and the real purpose of this all too often overlooked second act of life.  

This is an intriguing episode: The Menopause Mystery

Maybe we’re in them now. Or if some of them have changed, or even gone by, maybe we can reclaim parts of them. Maybe we can make them feel present again.