Smuggling Grace

Wealth is not synonymous with worth.

Likewise,

Productivity is not synonymous with worth.

Productivity has never been the full measure of our lives, nor what it means to be human. But I think it’s quite possible to internalize the opposite. At times, I confess that this false belief emerges in my deeply internalized thinking and feeling.

Our culture conveys that productivity is the highest good, yet if we chase after it — I don’t merely mean working well in a meaningful way, but if we chase after it– we are rarely satisfied.

When it becomes the totality of our time or our self-understanding, we soon find that it is chasing us. In this mindset, no matter how much time we put into our labor, it is never enough. And we are never enough. In this thinking and feeling, it’s possible to have internalized individuals or groups swimming around in our minds, either from the present or from the past, who judge us consistently as falling short. This may even happen just slightly outside our consciousness.

It’s easy to internalize these people and these beliefs. Yet truly, productivity is not synonymous with worth.

We do not need to reach a certain benchmark to be worthy of love, care, and belonging. We do not need an enormous salary to convey that we matter.

Yet as human beings, we need wholeness and fullness. Sometimes, this means that we need different experiences — rest, renewal, rejuvenation. Sometimes, this means that we need different parts of our brain to be active — the creative, the playful, the intuitive. These add to our own lives, and they also add to our communities.

I’m going to repeat this today and let myself believe it because it is really true:

Productivity is neither worth nor fullness.

–Renee Roederer

Okay, I’ll admit that my title is a bit sarcastic and snarky. But this is honestly a question I’ve been reflecting on recently. . .

Why do we teach our children to share if we, as adults, fundamentally believe that it’s wrong — some even believe it’s immoral — to share with other adults?

Or in practice,

Why do we teach our children to share if we ourselves hardly ever share with others?

Let me up the ante here: I’m talking about wealth.

A dangerous, every-person-for-himself ideology seems to growing. It’s certainly not new, but it’s gaining even greater influence. This ideology thrives on greed and justifies itself through a mix of pride, individualism, Ayn Rand objectivism, and prosperity theology purporting to be Christian. Then it claims to be morally superior.

After all, no matter how vulnerable a person may be (ahem, including from structures built on this ideology) it would be immoral to help or share from our wealth because that would decrease self-reliance, and we choose not to share, you know, for the good of the other person.

Um… okay. Your greed is showing.

Want to know how far some will take this ideology? Some have argued that schools should stop providing free lunches to impoverished students in order to teach self-reliance and grit. Why not just take it to the next step then and stop providing food to all children entirely?

Oh, that’s right. You only meant those children.

Sure, there is certainly such a thing as toxic charity, and we should avoid that. But make no mistake: We can share from our wealth. If we did this, we could create an economy and society of care and wellbeing that upholds all and leaves no one behind. We could eliminate poverty. We could make sure that children and vulnerable adults do not die of preventable diseases.

Think this is a pipe dream? It’s not.

But it requires sharing our wealth willfully and with purpose. I’m not only talking about the 1% (though I certainly am). I’m talking about people like me. I’m talking about people who read this blog. I’m choosing to challenge myself with this. I’m choosing to challenge you with this.

Why do we accept a dog-eat-dog society as normative and good? Everyone benefits when all people have what they need. Are there areas of our lives where we have much more than we need? Let’s find the most effective ways to share that wealth.

–Renee Roederer

 

Boy, it all kind of caught up with me last night. 

Just a lot of sadness about things that are happening in our nation and world. . . things that are happening in my local area. . . Really cruel and destructive ICE raids happened here two days ago. . . Here they are described in the national news. 

Sometimes, you just have to feel it. I certainly know I’m not the only one who feels this way. 

Most importantly, my compassion goes to people who are directly affected. People are bearing the full weight of these forms of trauma. Our whole communities need to rally around these individuals and families in support. 

Mr. Rogers has a song called, “What do you do with the mad that you feel?”

Last night, someone suggested that I watch Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. I did, and it was lovely to sit with some kindness. No regrets.

It makes me want to ask others –  In the midst of all that is happening, what do you do with the sad that you feel? How are you feeling it and processing it? What’s helpful for you?

– Renee Roederer

[NASA, Public Domain]

I found myself reflecting on this last night. . .

Every human being is like a universe. Metaphorically speaking, a host of galaxies.

Did you know that there are more atoms in just one strand of DNA than there are stars in most galaxies? That is beautiful and actually true!

Here’s the quote about this from Neil deGrasse Tyson:

“There are as many atoms in each molecule of your DNA as there are stars in the typical galaxy. This is true for dogs, and bears, and every living thing. We are, each of us, a little universe.” – The Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey, Episode 2

Every human being, every animal, and every plant is gloriously intricate. Life is amazing in all its complexity and particularity.

This quote about atoms and DNA blows my mind, and it also expands how I think about my fellow human beings.

A little universe. . .

. . . the server from the restaurant where I ate lunch.

. . . the person who brings our mail.

. . . the person I passed on the street and will never see again.

. . . the internet troll.

. . . the person who is facing deportation.

I wish we truly saw each other in all our complexity and particularity. I want to open myself to this.

It doesn’t mean that we would instantly and magically all get along. It also doesn’t mean we shouldn’t decry horrific behavior. But it would certainly make it harder to dehumanize one another. And gracious, we need that.

I want to work more on this.

Humanity – a multiverse of beings in all their complexity and particularity.

– Renee Roederer

Remember when the world was so much bigger than we are?

A couple days ago, I sat on some bleachers next to a softball field, watching my partner Ian play a game with his team, Ten Guys Named Roy (which is a fabulous team name; no one is named Roy!)

A little friend sat with me. He was mesmerized by the players, and though he is preschool age, he paid attention pretty consistently while I tended to let my mind wander. Appropriate for his age, he also had a zillion questions.

I don’t want to idealize childhood entirely here. After all, when we’re so small, life is vulnerable and can feel quite scary at times. But in this moment of safety in a routine softball game, this kiddo reminded me of what it was like when the world was so much bigger than us – that it is so very interesting and there for our learning and questioning.

I found myself sad that we sometimes lose this understanding when we age.

But isn’t it still true? Isn’t the world so much bigger than us? Interesting and ready to receive our questioning?

I think so.

This little friend challenged me to try to recapture that posture and approach to life even as an adult. I’m working to be more present. I want to pay attention and marvel more, including at the small, daily things.

There are indeed stressors and injustices these days. These should not be dismissed or denied. There is an abysmal news cycle right now too.

But in the midst of these challenges, thank goodness, there are also relationships. There are also hopeful actions of vision, creative change, purpose, connection, and care.

There’s a big world even in our daily, routine life. It’s all worth our attention.

So in the stress and in the wonder, we have a big world. It’s worth our solidarity. It’s worth our marveling.

– Renee Roederer

If I could give one piece of advice to Christian congregations, it might be this – empower the leadership of the Almost-Dones.

Who am I talking about?

I’m talking about the people who are on the verge of leaving the congregational community.

I don’t mean the people who threaten to leave in a manipulative way – “If I don’t get my way about such-and-such small detail, I’m leaving this church and taking my pledge dollars with me!” (we know that can harm the community) — but instead, I mean the people who have given their departure some thought and deliberation.

I’m talking about people who agonize over potentially leaving. . .

• They don’t want to leave the community, but they keep considering it because they long for a different vision, particularly one that connects with local neighbors through justice, shared mission, and relationships of respect. Their thoughts of departure are not a manipulative ploy but a genuine calling. They experience their congregation as insular and become discouraged, recognizing that their church is concerned almost solely with the needs of its own members, growing its own membership roles, and expanding its own pledges and financial endowments. They begin to consider if they might follow the calling of Jesus more faithfully outside of that insular, institutional structure.

• Or they consider leaving because their congregation is causing deep harm to them or people they love. Their relationships bear the weight of pain through judgment, shame, injustice, gossip, scapegoating, or attempts to spread false information. Often, after first pursuing truth, justice, and reconciliation, if things don’t shift, these people find themselves in a painful dilemma. They would prefer to stay in relationship, but facing continued harm, they rightly consider a departure as the only way to preserve their spiritual and emotional health.

Maybe you’ve heard about the Dones? This is a sociological buzzword these days to describe Christians who have left congregations for these very reasons. These types of experiences are happening more regularly.

So I wonder what would happen if the Almost-Dones were asked to lead and were empowered to initiate actual changes?

As you might guess from what I wrote above, I’m not interested to empower the leadership of the Almost-Dones for insular reasons – so they can stay on the membership rolls and continue to add their pledge dollars. Instead, more vitally, I believe these Christians can lead us toward visions and expressions of Church that are more faithful, connectional, and relationally supportive.

What if these Christians were empowered lead their congregations out into the neighborhoods with justice, shared mission, relationships, and respect?

What if the people who have experienced harm inside the Church were heard and respected when they named that harm truthfully for what it is? On their own terms and at their own initiative?

That leadership and that truth would transform our communities.

– Renee Roederer

I invite you to check out the vision of Michigan Nones and Dones, our new community in Southeast Michigan. You can do so here, here, and here.

I also recommend reading Church Refugees: Sociologists Reveal Why Some Are DONE With Church But Not Their Faith by Joshua Packard and Ashleigh Hope. Packard and Hope coined the term ‘the Dones’ to describe Christians who left congregational settings for reasons like the ones above. They conducted in-depth interviews with about 100 participants as part of a sociological qualitative research study. Their results impacted my thinking in this post.

 

I’d like to share a bit with you about a young person named Bresha Meadows. Bresha is 15 years old and a survivor of longstanding, domestic violence. After protecting herself and her family from the abuse of her father, she faced a charge of aggravated murder. She has been imprisoned for the last nine months. She endured a great deal of trauma both before and after going to prison. Before that awful night, she attempted to run away from the house multiple times but was always returned. Her aunt filed with Child Protective Services, but nothing came of it. Meanwhile, her father regularly harmed her mother with physical violence and was routinely threatening to kill the whole family.

She is a child. Activists around the country are joining together to call for her release, believing that she needs care and support rather than incarceration. Her case has spotlighted the ways that domestic survivors are often punished for defending themselves, particularly black women and girls.

I’d like to invite you to read more about her story here: Free Bresha Meadows.

CAWS (Collective Against White Supremacy), a group in Ann Arbor with which I organize, is reaching out to friends and neighbors in order invite others to a social media action. If you’d like to participate, please join us.

Today, Bresha Meadows will be in court again for another, and possibly final, hearing. To show support, at or before 7:30am EDT (though if you see this later, or if you live in a part of a country that is still sleeping, later is certainly fine) people are invited to. . .

1) Sign the petition calling for her release.

2) “Check-in” on FB Monday, May 22 at 7:30am to the Trumbull County Family Court where Bresha is being held for a hearing. In this post, include a poem, song lyric, mantra, or call by a Black woman or girl with the hashtags #FreeBresha and #DecriminalizeSurvival. We take this action in solidarity with the Free Bresha Campaign, Black Girl Altar Project, and Love Poems for Bresha.

This effort is part of a Participatory Defense Campaign. If you want to learn about this organizing approach, please read this tremendous article by Mariame Kaba:

Free Us All

Thanks for reading this and learning more.

– Renee Roederer

Do you know this word – Kakistocracy?

According to a quick Google search, it means a state or country run by the worst, least qualified, or most unscrupulous citizens. It is a reality where the worst actors have a huge amount of power.

This week, I’ve been thinking about Kakistocracy – certainly in the government and news cycle, but also in my brain space. Over the last four months, there have been hours and days at a time when it seems like my brain continually gravitates to thinking about this and only this. There are times when I’ve slept through the night, but meanwhile, my brain has been processing this and only this.

It’s not always like that, but that happens.

I know I am not alone in this experience. Given what’s happening, this is natural. And while it’s certainly challenging, I think we all should feel our way through what’s happening because that’s a crucial part of solidarity. Some of us have the privilege checking out while others have been feeling this way much longer. Some can’t afford to check out because it could be costly to let their guard down. We need to feel these moments  alongside others.

That needs to be said and upheld as a commitment. But I also know that thinking about this constantly can be harmful, not only because it is challenging and gives it greater ultimacy, but because it zaps our energy for acting.

It’s hard to resist Kakistocracy when Kakistocracy is internalized. It’s hard to continue pushing forward in our important, creative work when our thinking patterns additionally feel invaded and oppressed. It’s hard to include others in solidarity if we find ourselves feeling pain in solitude.

So if you’re feeling this way – grace, grace, grace. 

And if you’re trying to shift these thinking patterns – grace, grace, grace. 

It’s not easy, and don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t shift quickly.

As I’ve heard from others, this is clear as well:

The actions and inactions of our government, along with the news cycle surrounding them, have also brought up resonances with some of the worst actors from other periods of our lives. Our ruminating thoughts might additionally be our bodies processing these other actors and chapters as well.

So grace, grace, grace.

What’s helpful for you?

Perhaps talk with a therapist or spiritual director. Make art. Take walks. Pray. Set good intentions. Keep connecting with loved ones. Sing joyfully in the shower. Love the work we are empowered to do. Continue to have dreams for our communities and for our own lives. Talk to a friend about the brain space. Know that you’re loved.

And practice mindfulness. When we get in these ruminating patterns, it can be helpful to say, “Okay, for x amount of time, I am only going to think about what is presently in front of me.” Then practice presence. And when we find ourselves moving away again, we just gently bring ourselves back.

again, again, again.

grace, grace, grace.

– Renee Roederer

Yesterday, our bus parked in Detroit, and I saw this message printed on windows:

Create the things you wish existed.

I was on that bus with many choral singers. We were headed to Orchestra Hall to rehearse Beethoven’s 9th Symphony with the Detroit Symphony Orchestra. We have performances of it this weekend.

I’ve written a lot about Beethoven over the last nine months. I’ve been inspired by his music as the UMS Choral Union, our choir, has had four performance weeks of his works over the last year.

The 9th Symphony is truly a burst of joy, and I marvel at how it has uplifted people over time. I associate it with pivotal historical events like the falling of the Berlin Wall. I think about how that first audience almost 200 years ago lept to its feet at the end and threw hats in the air so Beethoven could see their appreciation and joy. He had composed something so masterful after losing his hearing completely.

And I think about how we need joyful inspiration now.

I know I do.

Last night at the rehearsal, Maestro Leonard Slatkin, our conductor, encouraged us to get out of the music on the written page and create a musical experience that will uplift and inspire.

“Think of the mess the world is in right now. For a moment, take us out of it. . .” he said.

Sounds like we need to create what we wish existed.

The text of this music talks about the worth and connectedness of humanity. It marvels about the sky of the universe – under the star-tent, it says – and wonders who or what might have created it all. Above all, it has exclamations of joy.

So tonight, we create that. We create the wonder of that wished-for recognition.

– Renee Roederer

My other pieces about Beethoven performances have been some of my favorite posts this year. Feel free to check those out too:

Life Finds a Way

The Joy of What We’re For

I Really Love Choral Singing

[Public Domain Image]

Our ties, connections, and relationships matter. When we are connected both personally and broadly, we can create a larger ethic of care. This is an intrinsic good.

Connections build empathy and solidarity, and these commitments create supportive and protective communities. Everyone needs this, especially when we fall on hard times.

Hugh Hollowell, founder and director of Love Wins Ministries in North Carolina, says that the opposite is homelessness isn’t just being housed. The real opposite of homelessness is community. When we extend our community relationships to include others, it is less likely that someone will experience homelessness. People often lose access to shelter because they’ve lost relationships.

We all need community support and care –

when we’ve lost a job,

when we’ve lost a loved one,

when we’ve left a relationship,

when we’ve left a religious community,

when we have mental health needs,

when we have financial needs,

when we have a deportation order,

when we’ve received a diagnosis,

when we don’t know where our next meal is coming from,

when we’ve experienced abuse.

Does someone come to mind when you read this list? Can you reach out to them so that their access to community ties are strong?

Do you find yourself on that list? Do you know that you’re worth support and belonging? You are. Reach out to someone and let them know how you’re really doing.

Community is an intrinsic good, and we all need it.

– Renee Roederer